In The Clear Glass

I cannot tell of the hours I have spent nor express the sadness I have felt over this one thing, small in some eyes but large in others, ever-changing throughout the ages but always present in each era, a trait with the power to dismiss and accept, love and hate, do good and evil. This subjective thing that I long for and worry about is being beautiful.

It’s never been enough for me and I doubt it ever will be, to leave the house with just a smile and not worry about the rest of me. There is always something more that I must do: a stroke of brush against my hair, a bracelet that I must add, a belt that I should wear, a paint of blush that I must put across my cheek. And even when I have these things, it’s never good enough.

I cry and I die a thousand deaths for the sake of just one thing. I try and I buy a million things for this look that I hope to achieve. But I’m always wanting, always looking, always trying for more. I am never satisfied. I am never happy. I want a thing that I’ve never seen. I want it so much but I never get it. And the more I try and the more that I cry, I wonder what do I want?

Is it whitened teeth and full, pink lips?

A tall figure with the finest build?

A perfect complexion and splendid cheekbones?

Hair that is smooth and beautiful?

Clothes that flatter my figure and make my eyes stand out?

What is it that I want?

What is it that I desire?

What is it that I try to achieve?

With my make up and clothes and efforts and tears…

I want all of this and more.

But I can never have it.

I cannot be beautiful.

The thought is depressing and for a while I believe it. The urge to change presses on against my heart, the lies that I am ugly crush my being and make me want to hide. The glass is foggy, it isn’t clear because Satan has become my mirror and tells me that what I see is fat, imperfect, and not beautiful.

And then, out of nowhere it seems, a voice from Heaven calls my name. He erases the lies, and wipes away the tears. He kicks Satan out, wipes the blurriness that the devil made and becomes the mirror. The glass is clear now and He tells me that I am all of the things that the blurry one told me that I was not: that I am beautiful just the way I am because this Clear Glass that is talking to me is beautiful and He created me and He can only make beauty.

And now I know what I want, what the beauty that I desire looks like. It is God, the one who created me. I want Him to rule my life more and more, to cleanse my heart and clear my smile and make me more beautiful. It is the Clear Glass that I desire and that I must look through to find my true self and my real beauty.

Note: This post has been on my mind for a long time and comes from a place deep within my heart. It was difficult for me to get up the courage to write this and share some of my insecurities with you but I felt God telling me that it was time that I wrote this and shared what He has been teaching me in this area.


10 thoughts on “In The Clear Glass

  1. Hey girl! Isn’t it amazing how Satan uses that one for us girls? How we’re not beautiful? Or we’re not thin enough? Or we can’t be good enough? I am so so so thankful for your heart! What an encouragement to me!! I am thankful you wrote this post 🙂 When I was really struggling with my walk with God, I lost my appetite and I “wasn’t hungry” I lost weight and became thin.. I felt good.. I didn’t need to lose weight before and I was over 5’5 and probably less then 115 pounds.. I didn’t weight myself as I got thinner.. guess I just wanted to convince myself that it wasn’t a problem.. One of the hardest things ever was eating again.. everytime I had a plate put in front of me, I wanted to throw up. I wasn’t hungry. It was a mental battle.. one that was REALLY REALLY hard to overcome. God has helped me overcome that battle… doesn’t mean I still struggle with being beautiful sometimes! But you know what? The really beautiful girls are the happy girls.. the ones that’s Joy is in the Lord.. not based on what other people think… and the girls that are always getting all the guys looks? Well – so often it’s for all the wrong reasons… I want a guy who will love me from the inside out… and I know that is how God loves us. He thinks we are beautiful. And to know that the God of the UNIVERSE thinks we’re beautiful? Awesome. 🙂

    Anyway – love ya girl and keep up this fight… and keep giving God the glory. You’re beautiful.

    • Jessica…

      Your story is amazing and one that I can relate to. I am SO glad that you have overcome that battle! It makes me so sad to think of all the girls that don’t, that let Satan’s lies rule their lives. Thank you for sharing this – it helps to know that others are struggling with me. One day it will be completely overcome!

      And your right on about wanting a guy who loves you inside out. To me anything less than that is not true love and should not be practiced. Praise the Lord for making and loving us beautifully!

      Love and blessings,

  2. It is always hard to wake up in the morning, and just feel beautiful. I may have never met you face to face but I must say you are one of the most beautiful young ladies that I read about. Even when the world gets tough your heart filled with the Holy Spirit is shared to the world. Your beauty is what I call true beauty; it comes from the heart. You are so courageous for writing this post. Thank you for sharing this wonderful blog. I know it is hard sweetie but you can do it. God is right here reaching for your hand. 🙂 Again I loved this post.

  3. Don’t worry about material things (not that I can say I don’t!) just be secure in the knowledge that you are clever, you are Gods child and you are a funny, insightful person! Even if you were the ugliest person in the world, that wouldn’t get in the way of Gods love for you, and of your personality! Peace out xx

    • Thank you Rosie! Your right, God’s love for us and the personalities that He has given us are what really matter….and what make us beautiful! 🙂

      Love and Blessings,

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