I was once a care free girl who laughed and smiled with few worries on my chest. I never missed youth group and I loved to volunteer at my church. I didn’t always enjoy school but I did love my Social Studies class! Theatre was my passion, singing was a joy, and playing the piano and cooking were dearly loved hobbies. I loved life and these precious things with great ardour. I never imagined myself abandoning them, especially not by my own decision. But then, I did not know that I would have no choice for my passions in life, though God-given, good and enjoyed, would be killed.
They began to fail as Situ, my grandma grew weaker. They were injured badly the week that she phoned to say that she would be going off of dialysis, a death sentence for her. Like a soldier healed from their wounds, my vigour arose with the news that she would not go through with this after all. My passions were shot again when I learned that she was now in palliative care, that she was on her way home. They bled as I said good bye to her through a storm of tears, and a choked voice in the cold hospital room and cried out in pain when she fell into a deep sleep that she would not awaken from. Finally, with the death of Situ, my passions were murdered, killed, dead.
I stopped going to youth group and I volunteered with a heavy heart. I shoved my textbooks into my school box and tried not to think about them. I would decide to make dinner or bake cookies but would excuse myself with tiredness. I kept going to music lessons and rehearsals but never did notes or lines resound at home. Only tears came, there was no laughter or joy, practice or passion. It had all been lost, all been killed, all been buried somewhere deep within my soul.
With the death of Situ, my grandma, I began to push away many of my God-given, well-loved passions.
But God restores and He restored me, slowly but surely.
It started one day at church with the sweet voice of my youth leader, encouraging me to come that Thursday. And I went, despite the pain, and God gave back my passion, He restored my heart.
The smiles and sweet giggles of grade 4 girls and the little “meals” made for me by pre-school children returned the joy of volunteering. I decided not to quit, God gave back my passion, He restored my heart.
The comforting words of my wonderful piano teacher and the sweet ripple of music from her hands made me want to play again. And with a Sonatina, God gave back my passion, He restored my heart.
God restored the passion of piano to my fingers and my heart.
The patience of teachers and pure God-given motivation led me back to my school books. Yes, God gave me back my passion, He restored my heart.
The fun that I had baking with dear friends during a visit to their house one weekend, the joy in the faces of my GEMS girls when they saw the green bowl that meant either cookies or muffins, and the words “they melt in your mouth” made me remember how much I love to be in the kitchen, how joyful baking is. With words and smiles, God gave back my passion, He restored my heart.
Friends and family members helped me regain the joy of being in the kitchen.
A talk with an amazing teacher and mentor, a casting call, a monologue, practice sides, and an audition made me realize my love for theatre. And through people and events, God gave me back my passion, He restored my heart.
Finally, after a month-long break, a CD by Amanda Falk, “The Music of The Night” from The Phantom Of The Opera and a very patient, kind and caring instructor, I wanted to sing again, and I could do it without crying. Through a wonderful person and music itself, God gave me back my passion, He restored my heart.
The journey back to passion was not an easy one: there were many tears and much pain along the way. I had times where I felt like giving up, times when I wanted to call it a day. But God is a loving God, one who gives as well as takes away, one who restores health to the sick, heals the wounds of the injured, and resurrects the passion of the dead.
For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,” says the Lord.
He is also a God who works all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) for not only did He restore, heal, and resurrect my heart, He also brought my passions back in a greater life than they have ever been. Yes, through death he worked to bring about a new fire, a new love, and a new life in my heart, greater and bigger than before.
Thank you God for restoring my passion, and making me smile again.
- My Favourite Christmas Present (elizabethsjourneyhome.wordpress.com)