I Didn’t Know…But He Did

I’ve been sentimental lately…thinking about the things that have passed since last spring and how they have altered my life and my self. Most of all I’ve realized that I am not the same person as I was last April, last summer, or even in December when I started this blog. I’ve been changing like the weather of each season. I have blossomed and I have grown. I never would have thought it though. No, I did not know….

Last spring I was such a little girl. I was over-busy and stressed but I thought myself as happy as ever; I had a crush on a boy but I thought I was in love for life; I was excited to go to Mexico, and believed that I would bring joy through my wealth, and I was sure that my relationship with God could not get better. Little did I know that my busyness would bring disaster, my crush would fade away before I turned 16, I would become joyful through the wealth of Mexico, and my relationship with God was far from best.

In the summer, I never knew that my grandma would die and that I would withdraw from life, or that I would have my “first love” experience. Last fall, I didn’t know that I would be heart broken and that I would get through, that I was unhappy then and would come to a greater joy. I couldn’t see the tears and pain, the joy and smiles that were coming my way. I didn’t know what would happen, neither the bad or the good. I could imagine but I did not know. If you had asked me what I had thought would happen then I would have said something very different than what has happened.

And even now, months later I still don’t know what is going to happen. I am still immature and silly even though I’m better at managing my time, I know that I won’t marry the boy that I like in highschool, I understand what true wealth is, and I have a better relationship with God. Life isn’t a straight path at all and I know more than ever that it can and will be bumpy at times. But I’m not scared because I have a hope that is stronger than my dreams and ideals, my dissapointment, and tears. I have a hope in the One who knows everything because He created it with me in mind…for good and not for bad…and so I know, everything will be alright because He is in charge. Even though I didn’t know…He did and although I still don’t understand…He does.

I’ll be the first to admit that life is hard and that I get mad and feel hopeless. But because I know that I have a God who is wonderful, loving and will never desert me, I can have hope. I don’t need to be scared or worried or anxious. I don’t need to cry…and neither do you. Life is a puzzle that is confusing at times and we can’t always see how the pieces fit together or if they do fit together at all…we get frustrated and give up but in the end we must let our Dad put it all together. So just trust Him and let Him work, let Him fix the broken pieces, and finish your puzzle for you.

And it’s all because of Him….I didn’t know it then, but He did.


3 thoughts on “I Didn’t Know…But He Did

  1. Amazing post as always. Praise Jesus for those trials because you are truly growing in Christ. I love how He is able to make a bad situation into a joyful, good situation, and we end up learning so much more about His love.

    Love you!

  2. This is my heart too!! Oh last year was so so hard.. 2009 was absoultely heart-wrenching. God brought a prodigal home. So so beautiful to me how He loved me enough to let me go through so much pain.. and regret.. to make the gospel THAT much more beautiful. I’m just so overwhelmed by it! I don’t deserve it.. But yeah – same here… sentimental. It’s hard. And girl – gotta second the boy thing too. A lot. So thankful how God always has a reason for everything and the many times that we turn away, He is always there to catch us. There were so many things that happened that haven’t gone on my blog… stuff that I think about and can start crying… stuff that has left scars on my heart… but God is enough. Those scars are wrapped in grace.. and it’s beautiful.

    So so thankful how He always knows what He is doing. The times when I lost my best friends and it hurt so bad.. I was all alone.. we were planning to move 1100 miles away.. my health was failing… just sitting on that hard carpeted floor at midnight and crying so hard…. because I couldn’t do it anymore.

    I cried out to Jesus. He heard me. Just second everything you said in this post. Keep going girl. We don’t always see the reason why we’re walking but one day we’ll see we’ll see.. there is still stuff that I can’t understand or see why God brought it.. but I trust and know He has a reason..

    All this stuff is happening for a reason. Keep going!!

    love you oh so much.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s