I am a Christian and I love God. I read my bible every morning and pray throughout the day. I attend church and youth group and bible study on a regular basis. And in all that I do, I seek to honour Him. But I have a secret to tell you: sometimes, I just want to be downright sinful.
In no way am I perfect, but I do have standards. And people can tell when they meet me. I’ve been called a “good Christian girl” and people, strangers even, always apologize for swearing in front of me. Boys never pay much attention to me since they know that I won’t flirt back. I have been scoffed at because I don’t date, torn apart for my beliefs on creation, and brushed aside as the “nice girl.” Why do I keep doing what I do?
Sometimes, I just want to branch out from it all. I want to talk and giggle while the youth leader is talking. I want to see what it’s like to chase after boys; sit beside them in bible study, hug them tightly, and jump on their back. I want to wear that shirt that I know is too low. I want to get mad at my friends when they hurt me and tell them just how I feel and forget about being merciful and loving. Just once, I feel like doing all of these things. Because it seems like no one really cares about the “nice girl” that I try so hard to be.
I know that it’s not for attention that we are to serve, love, and obey. I seriously do these things for God. I honestly live my life for Him because I love the Lord. But sometimes, I get so tired of being myself. I have worked on my character for so long and everyday, it’s a battle that I don’t usually defeat. And then I find that other people don’t even appreciate it. Not that it was for them, I guess. Still, it hurts and I want to forget about my principles and join everyone else in the fun.
But before I jump in and kill all that God has built, I hear His voice, whispering loudly and clearly. “You were made for better and you shall be so.”
I read His word and I find at last, the affirmation that I have been looking for. This time it comes from the right place and says the right things. Blessed are the poor in spirit. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are the pure in Heart. Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love on another. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armour of light. Suddenly, I am encouraged and on fire. I know what I have to do and be and love to do and be…and Who I shall indeed do and be it for.
God is the answer. He is the way, the truth, and the light. It isn’t just a song we sing in Sunday school to pass the time. It isn’t merely what we do to please our parents or impress other people. I love God and He loves me. I want to serve Him because He deserves my praise. And He is happy with my principles and even happier when I surrender to Him. He loves and blesses and affirms me, even when others do not. The night is nearly over, and the day of glory will come soon!
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
Note: I apologize if this post sounded angry or rude. I may delete this post later. This was just how I was feeling today and writing it made me feel better. Thank you for understanding! 🙂