Changing But Not

The other night, my friend, Holly, and I were talking about how we missed each other since our play ended. We chatted about change and how it is imminent. We marveled at our coming graduation this June. I feel so young right now, she said. How can I be graduating? I wondered the same thing, too. I am changing.

I used to be weak and sad. In fact, less than a year ago I would have told you that I wasn’t very happy. Now, I’m joyful and so much stronger. I love to live, most of the time. I have many wonderful friends who make me feel so loved, although I used to feel lonely. I feel like a changed soul.

At the family get-togethers, I was once the child who eagerly unwrapped colourful presents and darted around the house like crazy. This year, I realized how different I am now as I watched my five-year-old cousin and her little friend take my place. Meanwhile, I helped make the dinner and ate in the living room. It was like watching the shadows of myself from years ago. And I thought, Oh, how I have changed.

This week, I will apply for university. It’s crazy. Just looking at the application I wondered how I could be doing this. How am I this old? Because it seems like just yesterday that I was a five-year-old like my cousin, dressing Barbies, refusing to eat turnips, and wanting to grow up so badly. Life changes so quickly. I just cannot comprehend it.

Some things change for the worse though. I used to read my bible everyday. Over the holidays, that changed, too. There was just so much to do and so many people to see. Feelings rushed through me and things just happened. It was strange. I didn’t know how to tell God, even though He already knew. I wanted Him to approve but I was scared. And so I stopped. I changed in the worst way.

Last night, I promised Him we’d meet once more. Today, I sang my favourite Amanda Falk songs that remind me of His glory. I read some verses in Isaiah and I told Him my thoughts and why I’d been so absent. And I realized, some things do change like your age and friendships and feelings, but God remains the same, now and always and forevermore.

So now, I’m changing…but not.


6 thoughts on “Changing But Not

  1. I understand what you mean. It feels like just yesterday I was a 9 year old. When in reality I’m almost ready to get my drivers license. :p
    Thank you for following my blog. 🙂 I really appreciate it.

  2. Time is the weirdest concept ever, don’t you think? We’ve changed so much in just years. I remember throwing tantrums when I was young, being scorned by teachers in elementary school, musicals in middle school….ah! And graduation this year. I know what you mean, it’s crazy. It hasn’t sunk in for me. After all, I graduated from 8th grade last year and it seems odd to be graduating from high school at age 14 (oh, wait–I’ll be 15 when May/June rolls around) but when I add all the work up, it’s there! Graduating! (insert screams here) But it doesn’t feel the same for me, as I already take my courses at the college. You are going to love college, I swear to you!

    I think we’re all sort of changing, but not…I love that title, by the way!

    • Time is odd. Sometimes it seems to go by slowly but then it’s gone as soon as you look back.

      Wow, I cannot even imagine graduating three years ago! It’s hard enough for me to fathom graduating now! That’s awesome what you’ve been able to do! Congratulations. 🙂 Yes, I am looking forward to next year a lot! I’ve heard many good things about post secondary.

      Thanks! 🙂

  3. Woah, you sure are growing up. Over the last year or so, I have had the honor to watch your heart transform into a beaultiful young lady. I see how conflicting it can be to feel young but know that you are growing up. I was once there, not too long ago. I am so proud of how far you have come, and the journey has just begun. Keep your eyes focused on God and remember with Him you can do all things.

    I love you!

    • Aw, Avonlea….this was so beautiful and just what I needed tonight. Thank you, Thank you! You are such a beautiful and encouraging young lady and I am so thankful to have met you.

      Love you!

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