Who Is God?

Dear God,

Sometimes I just don’t know who you are anymore. Like I still go to church and write on this blog about your grace, but sometimes I have questions. There are nights where I say a simple prayer and try to fall asleep and mornings where I read Wuthering Heights instead of Isaiah. Because sometimes I just wonder, who are you, God?

Last week, I cried a few times. I suffered from insomnia for several nights. I felt exhausted, stressed, and sad. I worried about people I know and things I hope to do. And in all of it, I asked why?

Why can’t I fall asleep?

Why can’t I finish this assignment?

Why can’t I just feel happy all the time?

Who are you, God? Because you really don’t seem to be helping me much right now!

Yeah, I said that. Because sometimes it just feels like I’m having a one-ended conversation with someone who doesn’t even listen. And I wonder what is faith and why do I go to church and who is God?

Now, this is the part in the blog post where I usually write: and then I heard a voice say, “It will be alright…” But I’m not going to lie. This time, there was no voice. At least, none that I could hear. And so I kept asking, who are you, God? And where are you? I need you so much and you’re not there…

But He is. I still can’t hear the voice. But sometimes there is a song. Sometimes, I just start to feel good. I hear a friend say something, I read an inspiring blog or I finally sit down and open Isaiah and I know.

I know that God is good. That He loves me. That His mercy endures forever. God is my hope, no matter what. I trust Him. He inspires me to write these words. He gives me strength to move and live and do brave things. Yes, this is God. He is all these things and more.

Even in the silence and the dullness, God, I know you are there. And I will serve and pray and wait for the Voice. It will come. Yes, of that I am sure. For you are God and you are Good.

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18 thoughts on “Who Is God?

  1. This post really touched my heart. I have been going through some things and have wondered where God was. This post is a big encouragement. Its nice to know that someone else feels the same way I do.

    • Aw, I am glad! Never, ever give up on God! He is ALWAYS always there…even if it seems bleak. I’ve been through a lot in the past couple of years and He has always shown mercy. He will see you through. Just keep trusting. God bless. 🙂

  2. I know how you feel–like you said in your comment, sort of a “crisis of faith” for lack of better wording. Not a crisis of faith in BELIEVING in God…just in the foundation of your relationship with your religion. I had my own a few weeks ago. We all go through those periods of time…but, like you point out in this post, sometimes you just KNOW. It comes back, always does.

    • Yes, I like how you worded that, Kate! I still believe in God, but the foundation is a little shaky at times. I’ve had periods like this before though and I’ve always come through…because He has brought me out. And He will again. Like you said. I am glad to hear that you are out as well. 🙂

  3. So honest! I know the feelings as well.I think God can work with honesty much more than just going through the motions and pretending that everything is always perfect. Our feelings often change, but He never does. 🙂

    • I LOVE what you said! It is so true! God wants us to be real Christians, followers, and people. He does not like pretense. And yes, our feelings change but thankfully He does not.

  4. Hey, I am Courtney. I’m nineteen and found your blog completely randomly. It seems interesting:) just thought I’d comment because this post was definitely something I can relate to. I have a blog too, if you’d like to read it. Courtneylp1777.blogspot.com

    • Hi Courtney,

      Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment! I really appreciate that. That’s neat that you could relate! Never forget God’s love for YOU. 🙂

      Oh cool, I’ll be sure to check it out!

      Blessings,
      Elizabeth

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