Ever since I can remember, I’ve been waiting for something.
I waited for the cake after dinner. To be in my first play. For my birthday to come so that I would be the same age as my friend, Kaleigh. I waited to jump on horse back and have my first solo in a play. At sixteen, I spent nights of desperation in wait for a special friend to call and the last days of this summer waiting for school to start. Once, I waited for my grandmother to die. I’ve waited for tests, celebrations, emails, and death. Ever since I was little, I’ve been waiting to grow up. Now, I’m seventeen and seemingly starting that life yet I still have to wait.
Today at Spanish, I helped the students with verbs. Tener. Ir. Ver. Hacer. Estar. We talked about meanings. To have. To go. To see. To make or to do. To be. And we conjugated them in different ways. Yo tengo. Tú vas. Él hace. Nosotros estamos. It all made foggy sense to them, I think. Learning a language takes practice and lots of waiting.
“Elizabeth,” one student called. “What does esperar mean?”
Her words struck my heart, yet I answered calmly. “Esperar means to wait.”
All of a sudden, I was in Mexico again. Dirt was on my face and clothing, my braids were wispy and cheeks rosy. Little children clamoured around me, begging with their eyes and foreign lips for piggy back rides. I was overwhelmed by a flock of several children. They swarmed me on all sides and I said in that moment, “Espera, por favour.”
It was a beautiful memory and I yearned to go back to that place where it all began. I glanced at my textbook, wishing it could take me to the country where it’s bonito words are spoken. But then I remembered my decision from last weekend and the realization that God was not calling me back to Mexico this summer. My heart sank like a ship and I asked God why again. “Why can’t I go? Why must I wait? It’s been almost two years. Haven’t I waited long enough? I miss it so much and I promised I’d go back.”
And then I heard my fifteen-year-old, swarmed-with-children self say those words once more. “Espera, por favour.” And I remembered, esperar means to wait and that is just what God wants me to do right now.
Because promises made in the quicksands of life are easily dissolved. Since what we want isn’t always what is best. And as God knows just what I need. Sí, I will wait. Wait to go back to Mexico and see those shining faces and say “Espera, por favour.” Wait until January to go to university. Wait to have a boyfriend. Wait for God and His perfect plan and the things that I really need instead of the things that I don’t. Espera, Elizabeth. Espera, por favour.
But I dislike the word wait. It’s ugly and unromantic and far too overused. So, I’ll wait en Espanol. Sí, for it is a melody that way. To esperar is bonito and God’s plan is a song of amor.
Yo espero porque Dios.
What about you? ¿Esperas tambien? What do you have to esperar for these days?
The Journey Home 
Elizabeth, Wow!!!
You have know idea how much your post reminded me of Colin Hay’s song “Waiting for my real life to Begin”. It’s one of my favourite songs since it reminds me of how I feel on a daily basis, and the lyrics really show how we sometimes don’t trust God’s plan for us in our lives. I certainly don’t sometimes! Sometimes, we say “Don’t you understand?/ I already have a plan/ I’m waiting for my real life to begin”. But your post reminded me that God knows exactly what we need. And sometimes, that means waiting…..
Sorry, I didn’t mean for there to be a whole Youtube video attached to my comment… please feel free to take the video out if you want to.
Thanks, Sarah! Beautiful song! I love it. 🙂
And no problem about the song being right in the comment. Actually, I like it because then you can just watch it on the blog. 🙂
Wow, Liz. Great post. I am also waiting. Waiting for this semester to be over. Waiting to graduate. Waiting to finish all my exams. And maybe the most important–waiting to find out what my future holds. There are so many other things I’m waiting for. I need to learn to trust in God and let Him decide on the events that will shape my life. This is a waiting “season” for me.
Love the pics and especially the last one. 😉
Thank you, Kale. Yes, I suppose we are always waiting no matter what. This age seems to be especially full of waiting though. There is something beautiful about waiting, no matter how difficult it might be. And the good thing is, that we’re waiting together!
Thanks! I actually meant for the last one to be from Mexico (I’ve used them on my blog before so I was choosing from my blog album which has really tiny pictures), but I left it when I realized because it still fit. Plus, I have some extra special memories from that day with some really wonderful friends (a.k.a you and your family ;)).
Liz, your posts are getting better and better. You are going to have a beautiful life with writing. 🙂
What a simple realization, of coming to terms with waiting. I agree that “to wait” is ugly in English. Sounds better in Spanish. There are some things that remind us of the beauty of foreign languages…some words. My personal favorites are “ganbatte”, which is Japanese and basically means “good luck/keep on trying” and “shalom”, the Hebrew greeting and farewell meaning “peace be upon you.”
These days, I’m waiting for…I don’t know. For the final “gray matter” in my immediate future to clear up. To see how certain things will turn out. To graduate this June, though that doesn’t really matter too much for me, it’ll be nice to be able to take a full course load!
The wonderful thing about life is that we are all always gaining, changing, and waiting. 🙂
Aw, thank you Kate! You don’t know how much that means to me…especially at a time like this when my future and goals are so uncertain.
Yes, Spanish really is a beautiful language! Basicaly, everything sounds better in Spanish! 😉 I’ve never heard ganbatte until now but I agree that it is a wonderful word! I have always loved Shalom!
I will pray for you as you wait! Your future is going to be so amazing!!!
Yes, totally true! Although not knowing can be hard, the mystery of it is muy bonito. 🙂
First off, I just have to say that I absolutely love this. Last semester I had an assignment for my english class to find a poem of importance to you and write/analyze about it. I choose to do a poem by Dr. Seuss called waiting. Basically it talks about how everyone has to wait so what’s the big hurry?
At that time, I related it to my doctor/health situation. Though that waiting period, I found out who my real friends are. Now, I am waiting like you for God to reveal His plan to me. It’s incredible to wait. I’m always learning about who God is, and how He still has a plan for me.
Anyways making a full circle here, I just have to say that waiting es muy bontio. I love waiting because even though it’s long and tiring sometimes, it always teaches us that God always knows the exact time and move for our life.
I’ll be keeping your waiting and future in my prayers. May God continue to mold you into a beautiful woman of Christ.
Love you!
Thank you, Avonlea! You put waiting into another beautiful perspective. And thanks for the Spanish, too! 🙂
You are also always in my prayers. May God be with you in this very special time of your life. Trust in Him with all of your heart. Let his spirit fill you. And always know that you are beautiful, lovely, and special and so much more!!!
Love,
Elizabeth