The Easter that I was five, I thought that nothing could ever be better than little chocolate eggs. When I saw all of those coloured eggs leading from my bedroom door to the living room, I squealed with delight and picked them up as fast as I could. I was so excited that I took all the chocolate, including the pieces that were intended for my sister. I remember telling myself that all the things I liked before were not important now because I had this chocolate. My childish brain could see nothing greater than colour and chocolate.
Today, at seventeen, I find myself falling back into that state of childishness. I have plans for my life. There are things that I want so desperately right now. I have dreams, goals, and aspirations. It’s hard to see that anything could be greater than all that I have planned.
Last night, I was fed up with it all. I was sick of not knowing, tired of having to wait, and scared about the future. I sat at my computer and tried to write a story about it all. But the tears flowed down my cheeks and I couldn’t think and I cried out to God in desperation.
A noise and a pop-up on the right side of my screen distracted me from my thoughts for a moment. Seeing that it was a skype message from a good friend, I clicked on it.
Hey Liz, I read.
Hi! I typed back.
We made small talk for a bit, until we got to the root of the matter. That friend always seems to dig deeper than the surface, even when typing to each other on Skype. I told him about my worries for the future, feelings right now, and concern. I realized that I am directionless right now. I felt lost, confused, and beyond repair.
The typing sign went on and I sat there, wondering what he was going to tell me. At the sound of a Skype message, I looked to the screen and there it was: the truth I’d been needing to hear.
Maybe God has a totally different plan for you. Maybe you aren’t supposed to be an actor or a teacher. Maybe you’re pursuing the wrong goals right now. Wait and listen, Liz. He may have something much greater lined up for you and you are too engulfed in your present problems that you are missing the opportunity to let Him lead you.
I stared at the screen for a few minutes before I replied. I honestly didn’t know what to say. I knew that he was right though. God may have a different plan than mine. In fact, He probably does. It’s something greater, yet it’s hard to see right now. I’m too engulfed in my present problems and what I think I’m supposed to be and do, like my friend said. It’s just like the Easter I thought that chocolate eggs were the best thing that had ever and could ever happen. I’ve consumed myself in the wrong places and have lost sight of what really matters.
As I typed to my friend, it’s extremely difficult for me to see that something greater right now. But I’m only human and I guess that is how it goes. I can’t see the picture at the moment. The something greater doesn’t seem so great yet. But I will choose to trust in God, for the something greater will indeed be greatest.
PS I didn’t really mean for this to be a follow-up post on my last one…that’s just how my week went and how amazing God is. 🙂