January, what a month you’ve been. As a child and even at the beginning of this month, I always looked forward to you with grimace. Back then you meant work after play and boredom after the fun of Christmas. To me, January has always been the dullest, most boring month of the year.
That is, until this January. God likes to surprise us, I guess and He did just that with my month. He gave me joy in a way I’d never experienced it before and it was wonderful. Amidst that beauty, I watched dear friends struggle and I wondered how I could be so happy when they were not. I faced decisions about my future that totally “changed” it and left me wondering where on earth I am going. I had a sad encounter with the rules of the game that hurt me so long ago. There was peace, joy, tears, laughter, love, anger, confusion, and splendor. There was beauty and there were ashes, all at once.
I know that I didn’t write much about the specifics of all these events. You’re probably in the dark about most of this, unless you know me personally. The circumstances of this month have been private for the most part. Some of them have been downright confusing. I can tell you that it’s been ugly and bonito at once, like a beautiful rose sprinkled with ash.
And that is where you find me today. I’ve been humbled and changed in just the first month of 2012. Who could have guessed? I certainly didn’t. When I wrote this post about newness, I had no idea that the newness would come so quickly or strangely. Now you find me pondering it all. Today, I’ll read through my books of “sweet everyday things” and diary to find the joy and look out the window at the rain and think on the hardship. I’m pondering the beauty and the ashes.