Sometimes life is confusing and every part of me is asking the question “why.” Because life isn’t as simple as the story books that your parents read to you at five-years-old. The rest of the road home is a lot harder than it all seems.
Everyday, I’m realizing this and so much more. At the same time, I realize how much I don’t know anymore. I guess I never knew any of it. Maybe I just thought I did. Sometimes it’s easy to “know” something when you really don’t know anything about life at all. Currently, my favourite phrase is, “I don’t know what to do anymore.”
I’ve made promises to myself and sometimes I just don’t keep them. Oh, I meant to. Really, I did. But sometimes keeping the vow of a thirteen-year-old just becomes silly. Sometimes, I can’t do what I said I’d do a year or six months ago because I didn’t know what I would feel now. Sometimes I realize that what I once imagined was a fantasy and that real life is a whole other story.
Sometimes life is frustrating. I don’t always understand the trials and tribulations of each day. I often don’t appreciate the protection that people try to give me. Sometimes, I just feel like doing it my way.
Sometimes, I don’t like myself anymore and I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. I can’t always feel happy. My lips won’t always smile. Sometimes, living is just plain hard.
Sometimes, I mess up a lot. I make a big, fat mistake that cannot be undone no matter how hard I try. I dig myself into a pit where I must stay for a while. Sometimes, I really, really fail. Because like I said before, sometimes I just don’t know what to do.
Amazingly, I have a God who loves me. He cares for me more than anyone in the world. He dries up the tears, digs me out of the pits, and and wipes my slate clean with His blood. No matter what I have done or what I’ve felt or how far I have strayed, He is there. Not just sometimes, but always.