Faith Like A Child

Oh, you of little faith.

This phrase could and should be said to me about ten hundred times everyday. I’m a worrier. A constant worrier. Yet I proudly declare to be a Christian with a faith that is unshakable. But some days, that faith is pretty hard to find.

Today was one of those days. Actually, almost every day in the last little while has been “one of those days.” For some reason, faith and me haven’t been going as well as they used to.

Feeling discouraged and restless, I decided to go for a walk. I needed a diversion and a chance to sort my feelings out.

I left my house and started onto the road. I haven’t done this in a while, I thought.

I went past houses I knew and others I didn’t. I walked swiftly, trying to get rid of the pain in my heart.

I turned corners and pondered my week and all the things I did or didn’t do. I have so much on my shoulders right now, I moaned inside.

I quickened my pace more than once, as if the faster I walked, the better I’d feel.

Somehow, I ended up at the park. It wasn’t a mistake or intentional — it just happened. I ran to the swings and sat down. The seat felt small at first. I guess I’m not a child anymore, I thought. Eventually, I eased into the swing and pushed back and forth like I did in those days of cherry picking and side walk chalk.

I leaned back and closed my eyes. The dogs barking and their child owners playing nearby reminded me of days of old. Days when worry went as deep as cleaning my room so I could go to my friend’s house or getting the doll that I wanted for Christmas. Days when I could laugh freely and wipe away my tears quickly. Days when trips like this to the park were frequent and a good friend lived across the street and life was a gentle, summer song. Days when I prayed tirelessly each night for every unsaved family member, sick person, and simple want by name and believed that God would deliver. Days when I had faith like a child.

Suddenly, I remembered my old self. I felt her again. I let go of the worries, stress, and sorrow. For ten or fifteen minutes I was free. Free of anxiety and hurt. Free of exhaustion, confusion, and strong emotions. Free of everything bad, distracting, and annoying. Free to live, love, and laugh. Free to believe and have the faith that I need.

Unfortunately, that moment didn’t last forever. My legs got tired of pumping and I walked home. My spirits soon faded again and my faith was lost. I closed my lips through the songs at church and tried not to cry. I even left before the last song was through. My faith left me as quickly as it had come.

Now I’m sitting at home after a long, useless day. I remember the faith that I had once before. I want it back. The faith that loved life and God and did not worry about anything. The faith that believed and persisted and trusted. The faith of a child.

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6 thoughts on “Faith Like A Child

  1. My RSS feed has decided to start sending everything to an obscure folder in my email account, so I didn’t get the alert for this post! D:

    Anyway, Elizabeth: I know how you feel. I have been there. I remember when I was younger, when faith was easy and it was just…there. Before the emotions got strong and we had to sort through everything in our lives, when everything was innocent and everything was either good or bad, our faith was easy. It was easy to see God.

    But now, it isn’t so easy, is it? Little things dilute our faith. People in our parishes can even get in between us and our faith. Politics. Life in general. I want my child like faith back, too, but at the same time, there is a reason we have been given this perspective. It is an amazing responsibility. It is our job to be able to sort through the mess and find the light of God that shines through!

    For me: I do one of two things when I feel like I need to simplify my faith. To see it for its innocence–to have my child eyes again. One, I go to church and sit up in the balcony pews. I look at the crucifix and the beauty of the cathedral and the sun streaming through sun glass. . .and I feel this incredible warmth. Two, there’s a nature preserve in my town–owned by the university–and I went out for walk on it the other day. Found myself sitting beneath this beautiful tree, listening to the water run and the birds sing, and just looking up at the sun filtering through the leaves. . .and I knew that God was there.

    You will know, too. You will find the simple faith again. 🙂

    • That’s ok…I haven’t been blogging much anyway, as you might have noticed. I still need to catch up on everyone’s posts and write some more of my own! Ahhh! LOL!

      Thanks for your lovely comment. It really helps to know that I am not alone. I have to say that I’ve actually grown a lot over the past few months and I have been reaping the benefits of that in the forms of a stronger faith (yes!), closeness to God, and joy. Anyway, I’ll be writing more about that later. 😉

      Your two descriptions of finding the faith of a child sound AMAZING! Especially the cathedral! Ohhh, wow…sounds just awesome. I’d love to go to a cathedral, just focus on Jesus, with the light streaming in. Sounds amazing and so uplifting.

  2. Liz, another beautiful post. I know what you mean by “trying to get rid of the pain in my heart”. I am also going through some difficult things right now. Yes, we do have so much on our shoulders right now, but I will share a quote from a friend with you: “We can ask for a lighter burden, or stronger shoulders to carry it.” Also know this, you aren’t the only one carrying that burden. You’re not alone; He is with you and will carry it for you when you give it to Him. Love you, Liz!

    You have been tagged by Anna K. and me (our blog). http://facingthewavesblog.blogspot.ca/2012/04/tagged_09.html

    Love,
    Kaleigh

    • Aww, thanks Kale! I love your words at the end…”He is with you and will carry it for you when you give it to Him.” That is so increadibly true! Thank you!

      And thanks for the tag. 😉 That looks so fun. I’ll have to do it tomorrow! 😀

      Love you!!!

      Liz

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