It has been exactly three weeks since my last post. Three weeks! That’s never happened in the history of my blog ever. Not that I’ve been blogging for a dozen years or anything, but still my absence came as a shock to me. I didn’t intend to stop. It just sort of happened. I had ideas, but I guess there wasn’t much motivation to write them.
When I left, I was feeling a lack of faith. I was starting to write a bit about renewal, but I am afraid that a lot of my posts were kind of dismal. I was going through some difficult things. In fact, I’ve been going through difficult times since January. For some reason, the words just flowed from me then. I guess I just got tired. I realized that there wasn’t much more I could say about faith and a lack of it until I knew that I had mine back.
Little did I know that these last three months have been the journey back to faith. Yes, every bit of these last three months. Even the lack of faith and the difficult times. Everything.
I’d been reaching for God since the end of summer. It’s funny because life was awesome back then yet I couldn’t feel His presence in the way that I wanted. So I’d pray that He would come to me in “that crazy way” at church and every worship event. I even prayed for tears a couple of times. But I always went home with dry cheeks and a discouraged heart.
And then January hit with more emotion than I expected. There was deep joy and deep sorrow at the same time. Maybe one day I shall write about what made me incredibly happy and extremely sad. I wish that I could now, but the matters are all too personal. All I can say now is that the joy and sorrow alike were just what I needed.
On Easter, I realized that I am alive in the Spirit again. It puzzled me because not that long ago I would have told you otherwise. Now, I realize that I was on that journey all along. I just didn’t realize it. Now, I see the fullness and beauty of that journey. Every step, every stone, every path has molded me into the person that I am today. I have taken another journey and my heart has been restored.
I apologize for my absence on your blogs lately. I’ll try and catch up over the next couple of days. Hopefully, my “writer’s mind” has returned to me because I really have missed blogging and I have so many great ideas that I cannot wait to put into words!