The Dreams That You Used To Dream

I have a dream. Well, don’t we all? Actually, I have many dreams. Some of them from childhood, others from yesterday or today, and still there are more that I’m sure will come tomorrow. I want so much out of life. So much.

There is this one dream, in particular, that I have always, always wanted. A lot of my dreams come and go, but this one has always remained. Except one day, I decided that I couldn’t have it. My dream died. I stashed it away in a corner somewhere and decided not to think about it because dreams don’t always come true so there is no use getting your hopes up.

What was this dream? To get married. Yes, get  married. I’ve always, always wanted that. A home, a husband, a family. I’ve wanted many other things and I still do want them, but not as much as this. Except, somewhere along the lines I decided that I wasn’t good enough…or rather, God wasn’t good enough.

When I was eleven, I told myself that I shouldn’t expect too much out of life. That way, when things didn’t work out, I wouldn’t be too disappointed. And when they did, I would be even happier. Years later, I realized how wrong this mindset was and I changed it. Well, I changed it in every area except for this dream. Because it felt like the day I hoped, my heart was crushed. Something happened that made me think I couldn’t really marry that man after all. It was silly perhaps, but it was crushing all the same.

Hurt hurts. It really does. And the situation that turned me against my dream hurt me a lot. Looking back, it wasn’t so much that I thought that no one would want to marry me. It was more that I didn’t know if I wanted to risk getting hurt again. Because that gnawing feeling I felt on the night I knew was something that I never, ever wanted to feel again. So the dream stopped. Or, I tried to stop it. My heart kept a little secret spot for it though.

A few weekends ago, I went to this amazing Relationships conference. As I listened to their stories, advice, and encouragement, I realized that I didn’t think I’d ever actually use it. Why is that? I wondered.

I went to talk to my youth pastor after. When he told me that I was a wonderful person and that I wouldn’t have any trouble getting married if I wanted to, I could have jumped. It was weird. I knew that I was valued as my own person already. I had no major insecurities left. Except for the insecurity of that dream. His words were like a new idea to me even though I’d wanted them for so long.

You see, when “The Incident” happened, something inside of me died. The hurt killed my dream. My passion left. Hope shriveled up. Because it’s easier to live life without losing even if it means you don’t love, right?

No, I was wrong actually. Loving is always better. Dreaming is still good. And God can fully heal our wounds and make us new again. He also has the power to do whatever is in His will. He isn’t as weak as hurt or my unfaithful dreams.

So I’ve decided to dream the dream that I used to dream again. I’m not saying that it will come true or that it will happen in the exact way that I want. But I’m also not saying that it won’t. I’m not going to sell myself short anymore. My God is greater than that and He has made me for better thoughts than disbelief. He wants me to dream the dreams that I used to dream as He fulfills the best dreams that He has for me.

Likewise, I encourage you to dream those dreams that you used to dream. Come on, we all have some! It doesn’t matter what they are! I doubt they are the same as mine. Maybe your buried dream is to travel, learn a second language, become a Doctor, or go to university. It could be anything. Whatever it is, I encourage you to trust God with your dream. There is nothing wrong with it or hoping for what you want. He may give you it, or He many not. Rest assured that you will get the dreams that He has dreamed for you and that they are best.

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4 thoughts on “The Dreams That You Used To Dream

  1. Liz….this is such a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes, because I’ve had dreams that I’ve lost touch with, too, that I’ve felt that I’m not good enough, or that I cannot achieve them because they’re not “for me.”

    When we dream, even if those specific dreams are made reality or not, we are given insights into our desires or just allowed a little bit of happiness, regardless of whether or not they come true. That’s the beauty of our desires, and of our dreams. God grants us them to allow us to chase our desires at no cost to us, to experiment with futures without too much expense.

    As for your mention of the dream of getting married…you are a wonderful soul and any man would be lucky to have you. But don’t worry too much about it. Now, I’m vaguely nontraditional, but I don’t believe that marriage is the only worthwhile thing in a woman’s life. Studies show that women are the ones who usually carry on culture and religion. One of my favorite Saints is St. Catherine of Alexandria/St. Catherine of the Wheel, whose parents wanted her to get married. She told them, in all essence, that she wasn’t going to get married. . .though her exact words were more like “found somebody more beautiful and more intelligent than I am, and then I’ll marry him.” They were Pagan and she converted to Christianity at a young age, going around converting other people. A prince asked her hand and she refused him, so he locked her up to be executed. While in prison, she converted the prince’s first wife and his army general. They tried to execute her via breaking wheel, but supposedly, when she touched the wheel, it broke.

    Strange story, but it’s always held some value to me as far as women, dreams, and reality, as well as bravery! I’ll give you a Wiki link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_of_Alexandria

    • Wow, thank you, Kate!

      I love what you said about dreams and desires. You put it so beautifully and it is definitely true. 🙂

      I love that story! Thanks for sharing! And I agree, a woman does not have to get married to be successful. Just because getting married is one of my dreams, doesn’t mean that it has to be every girl’s desire. Some people would rather be single and that is totally OK with me. 😀 I have many other dreams/goals that I’d like to pursue such as writing and Spanish, too. However, for me, being a wife and mother is something I’ve always really wanted. I’ve often let go of it because of the uncertainty of finding someone. I just want to encourage everyone not to give up on their dreams as I aspire to keep dreaming mine as well. I believe that God gives us our dreams for a reason (like you said), but ultimately, He is better than even our wildest dreams. God won’t make all of our dreams come true, but I believe that if we trust Him, we will one day look back and thank Him for everything He has given us.

      Anyway, now I’m rambling here! 😀 But thank you again for your lovely comment…and keep dreaming all of your fabulous dreams, Kate. God has an amazing life planned out for you! 🙂

  2. your dream is so awesome, and I pray that God will turn it into a reality when you are ready. I went my Aunt’s wedding this past weekend. She never thought she would find love and get married but God blessed her with an awesome man that I am proud to call him my uncle. It will surprise you what can and will do in your life. Never stop dreaming!

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