When You Think Of Me

As the grad bells toll and life as I know it is coming to an end, I’ve been looking at pictures and rehearsing old memories. Yesterday, I finished my last play with the theatre group that has been my second family for ten years. Over McDonalds mcflurries after the show, I began to contemplate identity.

People are narcissistic. I am vain. Life is about me. Identity is often about who I want to be. But what about when that identity is ripped from you? What about when it begins to fade away and you wonder who you are? Then what is the good of that identity?

Last night, I told stories from my first plays. I talked about everything I had known for the last ten years and beyond. I realized that the theatre group and my friends there had become apart of my identity. Now, I am being forced to move on.

Living in my house. Homeschooling. Being friends with my friends. Those are all parts of my identity, too. These can all fade away as well.

Tonight, I started a picture collage to display at my grad ceremony. It was an exhaustive process as there were several pictures I wanted to use. Some were silly, others were flattering, and others were full of good memories and people I love. All of them said something about me and my identity as it has been.

I chose, deleted, and chose again many times. I wanted to paint a picture of a girl. I wanted her to be beautiful, fun, and smart. I chose pictures of her when she was little and cute and then when she was older in pretty dresses; shots with pom-poms on her head, and another with a Charlotte Bronte in hand. I wanted people to think that she was interesting, kind, and sweet. I chose pictures of her in the newspaper for plays, building a house, and playing with Mexican children. So I formed an identity off of baby pictures, newspaper clippings, and silly shots and hoped that people would think I was amazing.

The human mind is very vain at times. Identity, when found in our own shallow selves, is empty. Because life goes on whether you want it to or not. The theatre group you were part of during childhood ends. Because nothing human ever lasts. The picture you try to paint by a display board full of photos could burn in a fire. When our identity is not rooted it wilts.

It’s taken me about eighteen years to realize it, but true identity can only be found in Christ. It is not possible to find real satisfaction or joy anywhere else. Because the person you were at six or sixteen fades into someone new. Because the hobbies and jokes and pretty dresses you wear aren’t really that important in comparison to character, callings, and Christ. So when you think of me, I hope you’ll think of Him instead.

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6 thoughts on “When You Think Of Me

  1. Second-to-last paragraph reduced me to tears. “The theatre group you were part of during childhood ends. Because nothing human ever lasts. The picture you try to paint by a display board full of photos could burn in a fire. When our identity is not rooted it wilts.”

    It seems so sad, doesn’t it? Everything we’re giving up as we start new stages in our education, in our lives, and subsequently, our spirituality and faith. We’re ending. It hurts, too, when I see certain things and going on for others.

    But you are so right. When we see the wilting, the changing, we learn to prune, to root ourselves better, to grow deeper in God’s soil and not on the surface. We change. We grow again. Melancholy and bittersweet as it is, we do.

    Lovely post. 🙂

  2. When I think about you, I always think of your loving, compassionate, and giving soul. I definitely can say that you are a strong Godly woman. You are growing up so fast. This post gives me the goosebumps because you are discovering your identity in Christ. It took me years after I graduated high school to even start realizing this truth. I am so blessed by you.

    Love you!

    P.S. I apologize for not reading your blogs lately. It’s that type of year again…busy, busy, and more busy.

    • Wow, thank you Avonlea. When I think of you a think of a beautiful young woman, compassionate, encouraging, radiant, and thrilled to be alive for Christ. You are lovely, Avonlea. 🙂

      And no problem! I have to say that I haven’t read your blog in a while either. I’ve been so busy that I’ve barely kept up with anything. I have missed you though! Thank you for commenting! I look forward to catching up with you when I have the chance!

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