G Is For Grace

High school is behind me now, but I haven’t stopped learning, it would seem. Today, I spent a good chunk of time cleaning and organizing an overflowing box of schoolwork. You see, I’m not the most organized person in the world. Okay, I’m an absolute failure at organizing my stuff…especially papers. I kind of like to just relax and forget about things when I don’t particularly need them anymore. So, throughout the last two years, everything that I don’t really need anymore has gone into the school box. Consequently, the last few days have been spent sifting through Spanish homework, studentย aide lessons, English notes, and lots of Biology.

It was an interesting task, to say the least. I can’t say that I enjoyed it, but it did bring back old memories, good, bad, and unflattering alike.

My Biology brought the most thought, in the end. Oh, the Spanish I enjoyed looking through and made me dream about taking university Spanish classes next year. My teaching notes reminded me of the class I helped in and the future I may have in education. And of course, English brought a smile or two. But in of all that, I learned the most from the subject I know the least about… Biology.

Not to be a downer or anything, but I’m terrible at Science, Math, and anything technical. I’m extremely creative, as my project based Lit 12 class proved. I can write to save my life. I picked up Spanish pretty easily and was even able to teach it. But if you give me something technical like a fractions sheet or a chemistry lab, I’d rather get my eye brows plucked.

As I organized and slightly reviewed my notes on Meiosis and Mitosis, plant cells, and the urinary system, an aspect of myself that I’m not so proud of, unfolded before me. I am afraid of failure. In fact, I am so scaredย of missing the mark, that I run, hide, scream or do whatever is needed so that I don’t have to deal with my failure. But as a Christian, that is not the attitude that I am supposed to have towards Biology, school work, or my sins. Because Jesus is enough for my failures and I need to trust and let Him carry my load when I can’t.

But the truth is, I didn’t do that with Bio 12 and I don’t do that with most of my life. In my course, I received some A’s, lots of B’s, and a few C’s. And some of my marks were really, really bad. Actually, in addition to some super low C’s, I failed my first test by 3 %. Yup, I actually, officially failed. But really, my Biology scores are no different than my regular life as a human. God doesn’t grade us on our attitude, but I can garuntee we’d all fail more than one test if he did.ย 

Throughout my organizing, I found a lot of unopened envelopes. Like I said, I’m afraid of missing the mark and I literally run away from it. Since I was home schooled, my teacher sent my marked work through the mail and I had the choice to open it or leave it untouched. So, because I knew I wouldn’t be getting top scores all the time, I left a lot of them unopened, at least to me. My mom could open them if she wanted, but several times I wouldn’t touch my Bio marks. I was ashamed, just like I am of my sins. I didn’t want to look back at my failures because it showed me that I was unworthy, messed up, and fallen.

But isn’t it funny how that’s just not how God would look at failure? He forgives and loves us, despite our brokeness. And not only that, but He gives us second chance after second chance. God does not give up no matter how badly we miss the mark. And He wants to show us once again what is right. He encourages us to keep going and tells us to overcome our sins. When I went through my Biology marks, I found the envelope with the bad test mark. But because I’d wanted to run and hide and forget about my failure, I had missed the lesson. My teacher had sent that test back to me so that I could learn from my mistakes, but I had let my shame overtake me. God doesn’t want us to run from Him because of guilt.

The last envelope I opened surprised me. I knew before that I’d failed the first test and that my marks weren’t the best. I was aware of my failures. But this last envelope had not been opened by anyone–even my mom. It contained something different. I gasped when I saw that I had received % 100 for this Biology assignment! I was thrilled and I wished so badly that I hadn’t let my shame overtake me when it first arrived in the mail.

If we got report cards in heaven, we would all get 100 %, too. Even though we would have messed up and failed. Although we would deserve much less. Seriously, if God marked us on perfection we’d all get zeroes and my Biology marks would look good. But He doesn’t mark is on perfection — He accepts us with grace. And that is why the G on the report would be for grace and not good because of the grace that God has truly given us through His son.

If you’re hiding in shame and guilt today, please stop. If you think that God can’t love you because of past mistakes, that isn’t true. God always, always accepts and loves us for who we are… broken, messed up, but oh, so precious in His sight.

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6 thoughts on “G Is For Grace

  1. First of all, I LOVE the new layout! It totally fits the transitional stage in your life. When does your university start in the fall? I have another three weeks of summer classes and then a ten day break before my fall semester. But that’s off topic!

    I adore this post. It is everything hopeful and I truly desire anybody who believes they’re not worthy of grace to read it!

    • Thank you, Kate! I actually wasn’t so sure about this layout myself. I liked it on the preview and there are still many things I like about it, but the header bugged me a bit (as you can see I had to change the subtitle so that it would all fit on one line… that kind of stuff bugs me.) But it is growing on me and having some feed back sure helps! So thanks! ๐Ÿ˜€ As for university, I have orientation week starting on September 1st and then actual classes begin on the 5th… so it doesn’t start for well over a month. I’m SUPER excited though! (actually, I can’t wait! :D) How are your summer classes going? Are you looking forward to the fall semester?

      And thank you so much. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • That’d bug me, too, but the banner picture is so intensely beautiful that I barely even noticed the changed tag line!

        Ooooh, I see–I start earlier than you do! Are you going to be living in a dorm setting or your own apartment, or are you close enough to stay at home? ๐Ÿ™‚ Either way, you’re going to have a blast. I’m very excited to see your thoughts on the higher educational structure.

        My summer classes are easy as pie, but very interesting…Philosophy in particular gets people riled up! The fall semester won’t be quite so easy, as it’s a very very very full schedule. I feel confident, though!

        • Aw, thank you, Kate! I’m glad you like it because I wasn’t sure if I liked such a big, square picture at first. It’s grown on me though. ๐Ÿ™‚

          I’ll be living at home and commuting. Yes, I am VERY excited!! I went for an open house yesterday and it felt so great to go there as an actual student for the first time. ๐Ÿ™‚

          That’s awesome! Ah, Philosophy… sometimes philosophical debates just drive me crazy. ๐Ÿ˜› But that must be a good class, at the same time. I’m glad you’re enjoying it! Good luck with your fall semester! You should feel confident — you’re a very smart girl, Kate. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Ugh. I’m so with you on the math/science thing. I was a Chemistry drop-out in high school because I was just so awful at it! Actually, I’m not looking forward to my spring semester of college this year. Biology from 5-9 p.m. needless to say… I will be brain dead by the time I get home ;( Thankfully I don’t have to rely on a science grade in my relationship to God ๐Ÿ˜‰ Because I think we now know I’d be in major hot water!

    • Thanks for the comment, Natalie. ๐Ÿ™‚

      It’s good to know I’m not the only non-Science/Math person. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Ah, I know how you must be feeling about Biology! I have to take two semesters of Natural Science eventually for my degree (even though I am in Arts and it has NOTHING to do with Science… oh well :P). But you will make it through!! Phil 4:13

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