I’m really behind on blogging. Really, really, super behind. I feel bad because I’m just replying to lovely comments from last week and I know there are still more to reply to from before I went to university. And my emails tell me that there have been some awesome blog posts lately, but I haven’t had time to read them because the leaves are swirling.
But in my “behindness,” I’ve been thinking a lot. Yes, I have time to think even though I don’t have time to relax except when I sleep. My classes make me think. My profs inspire thinking. The people I see on the bus and the friends I’ve made put new ideas into my brain. Leaves are swirling and its hard to catch up.
I liked university very much on the first day. But the second day was hard, bordering even on awful. On Wednesday, I came down with a terrible cold while reading Flannery O’Conner’s “The Enduring Chill” for English homework (great story, by the way… just not when you feel like you have an enduring chill, too). That cold kept me up for most of the night. Traffic made me arrive just in time for the Spanish class I was already nervous about. The class, which is second year, was very difficult or the girl who skipped Spanish 12. The prof spoke in Spanish pretty much the whole time and we had to speak in Spanish a lot, too. I didn’t know if I could do it. My Acting class was just exhausting with my cold and then when all I wanted to do was go home and cry, the bus was too full. The leaves were swirling in too many heaps and falling all over me.
From that paragraph, one might gather that I hate university now. Well, I’m pretty sure that was true last Thursday. And sometimes when my group has to go first for the Art History presentations or my Spanish prof tells us we have a test on Tuesday, I really do feel like running away and never coming back. I wonder if I’m really cut out for university. “God, why did you ask me to come here? Because it doesn’t really seem to be going that well.” The leaves are swirling too fast.
But the leaves of grace fall quickly down and cover my tears. Because there are blessings indeed. I really like all of my profs. I’ve made many friends. My English prof assigns the best stories and leads awesome discussions! When I don’t have a cold, Acting class is amazing because I can just relax and explore. And my Spanish prof is very nice and encouraging. The leaves of grace tell me that I can do it, that I am good enough, that God is greater than all my fears.
So I’m trying to pray and pray and pray. About everything. About everyone. On the bus, in my classes, while walking around, and in bed at night. I pray for strength, courage, love, joy, peace, and leaves of grace to surround me. And I know that since the Lord has called me here, there is a better plan that my worries could not imagine.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and peitition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.