Everyday, I have a thousand worries. Will I actually have enough time for these scenes and papers and all all of this studying? What kind of marks will I end up with? Are my courses going to work out for the next four years if I’m already having trouble scheduling next semester? And how on earth am I going to pay for all of this? Oh, and it would be nice to have a good job after, too. What in the world is that going to be since I am obviously too impractical and stubborn to change to a more reasonable major? Sometimes it feels like there are a million curves in the road and I’m speeding way too fast.
So, yesterday I prayed that God would show me His will in this. Why am I here? I know, I know…this is right for me right now, but could you please just show me how this is going to WORK out financially and practically? Even though I wasn’t exactly made that way, I should probably start thinking along those lines at some point.
I didn’t exactly get an answer carved in stone or shouted from the mountain tops. But when do we ever get those? Very rarely, I’d say. The answers I got were in the gentle flow of the day. In the sun that came out after a long stretch of rain. When I went to a prof’s office, dreading what he was going to say about my project idea, and hearing affirmation and guidance instead. The way that my scene rehearsal made me feel alive again even though I still have the same stresses as before. With the surprise ride we received from a friend. Suddenly, the curves were there, but they didn’t seem so difficult.
Later, I was having a driving lesson and it all became clear. We were driving eighty for the first time; it was dark and I was blinded by the lights of a thousand other cars and the road seemed way too curvy for this speed.
“This is scary,” I remember saying. “I think the road is too curvy for this.”
“Yes, but the road was specifically built for this speed,” my mom said. “So you can drive 80 because it was made for it.”
It took me a bit of courage to go from 60 to 70 and then to 80. But I did it. And when I did it, I felt the curves flow smoothly. In fact, it was even smoother than before because I was driving in just the right way for the road. I didn’t crash or lose control because the skillful engineer had built this road to perfection for the exact speed I was now going. Suddenly, the curves were simply part of the road.
And I realized, that God is just like that skillful engineer. In fact, He is an even better creator. Although the road may seem difficult, He has constructed it with my life in mind. Therefore, I have nothing to fear for He is in ultimate control of the journey home, no matter how many curves there may be in the road.