A Reflection

Three years ago today, I began this journey called blogging. It was a cold, December day, probably very much like this one. The tree glimmered across the room and I sat at the desk, eagerly typing and backspacing, crafting and critiquing the early posts and pages.

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Back in the ‘early days’; this was probably one of the first photos I took for the blog.

I remember searching things on Google like “Christian teen bloggers” and “blogs by Christian teens.” I was so excited by my first comments and followers. I thought of myself as just beginning and that one day I’d have a huge following of people. I dreamed of profound posts with 38 comments and lots of discussions.

I had so much to say then. So many ideas ran through my head and images seemed to have wings in my imagination. And back then, I could get them out, it seemed. I even had to restrain myself from writing it all because I thought I should “ease into” blogging or something.

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Sometimes, I wish I could go back to that. I loved that constant flow of thoughts into words and words into posts. Now, I often feel like my well is dry. I still have thoughts, but they take longer to come, if they come at all. And I wonder to myself, “Will I ever be a writer like I thought when I started this blog?”

And I’ve changed so much since then. My writing has changed. I have better grammar now and a more refined style. My life has changed. I’ve graduated and now I’m at university. My thoughts and ideals and hopes have even changed. But I guess that’s what happens in life; that’s how it has always worked. This blog, if nothing else or greater, is the showcase of that change. And I am thankful for that showcase because with change, comes growth.

Growth is a beautiful gift. It isn’t something tangible you can hold in your hand nor it is it something we often notice or ponder upon. But I love to look back upon memories and life’s happenings and notice how I’ve changed. I love to see the ways God has shaped me through the challenges and joys alike. Looking back is like the calm after the storm, I’d venture to say. Its maddening sometimes to me because I see the hard times and cringe at my stupidity and even try to forget certain memories. But in the end, you can only really laugh, usually. Laugh and accept yourself for who you are. That’s what I do when I read this blog, at least.

I haven’t written much lately, as you may have noticed. Part of that was due to my busyness. But another part of that was because I want to write differently. I want to write better, for lack of a stronger word. I desire to produce quality work with every post and that is hard to do. Sometimes, I’m not sure if I’m up to the challenge.

But I’m on a journey. That’s what this blog is about. Sometimes, when I look back on the name, I sort of regret it. Yet now, I don’t think there could have been a name more fitting. Because this blog, no matter what I do with my life or writing or if I ever make another post again, has been a journey. Thus far, it has been a three-year-long trek through some of my most formative years. Whether or not it has been interesting or brought the 38 commenters, no longer matters because it has been my journey in discovering truth, faith, and who I am, among other things.

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So this is my reflection on life, blogging, and growth. I’m too tired to edit much so I doubt this will be my best post in three years time.  But if there is anything I’ve learned from this process, it is that you don’t write or do the things you do to ‘be the best.’ Blogging, I’ve learned isn’t about getting 38 comments on every post or 105 followers or world recognition. This blog is about learning. About friendship, faith, and grace. Its about discovering yourself and God and life, among the pain of it all.

The journey or the way we get to the place we call home, you see, is just as important as that very place.

Thank you, dear readers, for joining me on this journey thus far, whether you’ve been here since December 18th, 2010 or if you just began now. It has been a wonderful journey for me and, hopefully for you.

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2 thoughts on “A Reflection

  1. I understand what you mean about changing vision and running out of ideas – I’ve had similar thoughts about my blog (And college kept me too busy to write at all this semester! Yikes!). However, I’d encourage you to keep at it. You never know what you might learn in the mean time, and the best way to be a writer is to keep writing. 🙂 Many blessings!

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